Before
we got married, we attended marriage counseling. After 10 years, I don’t remember all the
things that were discussed during the sessions, but I do remember the pastor
saying this, “Most marriages break up due to one of these three things: family,
finances, and fidelity issues.” That has
always been etched in my mind. We were
determined that we wouldn’t allow any of those things to destroy our
marriage. Honestly, we have met our
challenges, but we’ve learned from them.
While we haven’t mastered marriage, we are committed to the ministry of
marriage. Step by step. One day at a time. Here are the ways we’ve survived our
marriage:
1.
Be
honest about the things that rub each of us the wrong way. If not, it festers and resentment is the
outcome.
2.
Be
sound fiscal managers. When there are
big purchases to be made, we talk about it first. (And no hiding money under a rock).
And give back to God what is due Him. It is because of Him that we are so blessed.
3.
Do
not lend or give money to family members unless both agree. On the flip side, do
not borrow money from family members unless both agree. Part of this is also keeping our financial business to ourselves. Besides, it's no one else's business.
4.
Be
truthful – even if it hurts; just learn how to choose words carefully. Learn how to finesse the message to get your point across.
5.
When
discussions get too loud or too emotional – revisit them at a later date when
clearer heads can prevail. There will just be times when agreeing to disagree is the best outcome. (There is such a thing as "fighting fair"...if you must fight at all).
6.
Family
first - it’s a non-negotiable; everyone at our address is top priority.
7.
Surround
ourselves with like-minded couples; they will be least likely to entertain
confusion and more likely to show support. Believe it or not, a marriage does need support.
8.
Split
household chores. It minimizes arguments
about who is pulling the most weight. It is okay for everyone to have a specific role, but be flexible when necessary.
9.
Reserve
time for ourselves; it is a must that we spend alone time together to reconnect,
to communicate, and to be romantic. Part of this is also about celebrating one another and the small things.
10.
The
only third person in our marriage is God.
He is and always has been. (After all, it is a Christian marriage). We trust
God and take Him at His word for the increase that has come in these 10 years and the increase that is yet to come in the next milestone of our marriage.
So, today we celebrate each other; and we celebrate what God joined together...
Eph.
5:23-32
For a husband is the head
of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to
be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to
your husbands in everything.
And you husbands must love your wives with
the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her
holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to
himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.
Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to
love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving
himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares
for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. And we are his
body.
As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves
his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into
one." This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ
and the church are one.
And the two became one...
March 27, 2004
