ACE #169: When People Become Your Frenemies

Friend

 - a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection

Enemy

-

a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something

Frenemy

-

An enemy disguised as a friend or pretending to be a friend or someone who really is a friend but is also a rival.

 

 

One of the worst feelings in the world is when one of your closest friends suddenly becomes your enemy.  Maybe you don't know exactly where or when the breakdown in your relationship occurred; maybe you do know exactly when and how it happened.  Either way...it's a "hurting kind of feeling" like the old folks used to say!  It reminds me of how Judas betrayed Jesus, who was the teacher, and how Saul tried to kill David, who was the protégé.

At the root of the battle with a "frenemy" most often lies with betrayal. We respond to betrayal differently depending on how deeply rooted the hurt is.  Sometimes we try to get even, other times we try to fix it, perhaps we let it fester, then those other times we just tell everybody that knows us (the injured party) about how the other person (the offender) treated us.  I contend that the internal struggle is always greater than what is manifested externally.  It's what some would call, "quiet fury".

Both David and Jesus give us perfect examples of how to respond to the betrayal of our "frenemies":  David spared Saul's life. The Word says David was "conscience-stricken" (1 Samuel 24:5), while Jesus instructed Judas, "Do what you came for, friend" (Matthew 26:50).  Did you catch that?  David could've killed Saul, but he spared him and recognized Saul's anointing, while Judas betrayed Jesus, yet Jesus still called him friend!

It's not about the betrayal as much as it is about YOUR RESPONSE to the betrayal.  The real road to recovery and healing after a betrayal is not about the other person, it's about YOU!  You have to respond through love, prayer, faith and forgiveness. It doesn't happen overnight.  It may not happen within the year.  But YOU have to choose how to respond.  If you can't figure out how to respond, then just keep quiet.  There may even come a time when you have to have a crucial conversation and just be honest about your feelings about the betrayal. 

Either you'll respond as part of the "world" or you'll respond as part of the body of Christ.  You decide...